Episode 336 | How to Live with Purpose with Mike Bayer

Every day, we make countless decisions that range from mundane to life-changing. If you find yourself stuck at one of these crossroads, what do you do? How do you weigh one option against another? Our guest teaches us that whenever we find ourselves confused or lost about the next step, it helps to get clear on our “why” so that we can live with purpose.

In this episode, Mike Bayer teaches us how to clarify our purpose. Instead of mindlessly choosing based on short-term pleasures, getting clear on our “why” helps us act in line with our long-term vision. Mike shares the F.O.R.C.E acronym as a useful tool for discernment and decision-making. He also teaches how to recognize internal coaches and find good communities that support our highest good.

Tune in to the full episode to learn how you can live with purpose!

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Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode:

Recognize and hack distorted thinking using F.O.R.C.E.
Find out how to spot good and authentic coaches.
Discover how to be honest with yourself and live with purpose.

Resources

One Decision: The First Step to a Better Life by Mike Bayer
Best Self: Be You, Only Better by Mike Bayer
The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have by Mark Nepo
Coach Mike Bayer
Create a daily meditation ritual in just seven days! Download BUILD YOUR DAILY MEDITATION RITUAL and other freebies at RadicallyLoved.com!
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Episode Highlights

Mike’s Story

Mike turned his life around by refusing to be chained by the environment he grew up in and becoming a victor of circumstance.
Although the pandemic is exceptionally challenging, Mike admits that he went through harder moments in the past.
Mike started rewriting his book during COVID-19. Later on, he decided to dedicate it to the lost and lonely.
Sometimes, the things we create are what we and others need to hear.

Slowing Down, Being Grateful

While rewriting the book, Mike made sure to add stories of how people are working through the current crisis.
Mike has to remind himself every now and then to be grateful for the success he enjoys today.
He admits it’s been like a trip beyond his wildest dreams, from writing bestsellers to speaking for large audiences.
Despite being in the limelight for two and half years, Mike still struggles to balance taking ownership of his success and being humble.

Understanding the F.O.R.C.E.

Mike developed a coaching formula for anyone who feels lost or disconnected using the cognitive behavioral therapy framework.
The F.O.R.C.E is an acronym that stands for five cognitive distortions. F represents fortune-telling, O for overgeneralizing, R for rigid thinking, C for confused purpose, and E for emotional reasoning.
The solution to these cognitive distortions can be found in the same acronym. Fact-finding is the antidote to fortune-telling, objective thinking to overgeneralizing, relaxation to rigid thinking, clarified purpose to confused purpose, and evidence-based thinking to emotional reasoning.
Before making a decision, make sure to check the filter you’re using to assess the situation. If it falls under the five cognitive distortions, use the corresponding acronym to break out of that mental loop.

On Coaching

Mike believes that a sense of community is an essential component in inspiring change.
It’s more challenging to create and maintain that connection during the pandemic.
For Mike, the first step to change is to be fully honest with yourself.
In the end, we’re all coaches and experts in life. However, the moment you think you have all the answers is when you stop becoming a coach.

The Right Coach

Mike cautions against coaches who sell easy and quick fixes.
Coming from a clinical background, Mike suggests that it’s unethical to sell something to someone trying their best to recover from trauma.
There’s a big difference between a coach speaking to help and one speaking to sell.
According to Mike, it’s best to let people be vulnerable rather than inviting them to expensive therapies.
You have internal resources that you can always draw on to improve yourself. If you can’t afford to get professional help, several communities offer free assistance.

Being Honest with Yourself

As long as you’re not hurting anyone, there’s no wrong intention or motivation.
Having worked in TV and show business, Mike discovered that most people rarely want to change others' lives.
What you’re saying to others has to be congruent with your inner truth. Be honest and lean into what you want to do.
As long as you’re true to yourself, people will support you.
Whatever you’re doing has to fit into your long-term vision and be aligned with your values.

Live with Purpose

If you ever have to choose between becoming well-known or helping other people, know that the former feels empty and the latter more meaningful.
Whenever you have to make a similar decision, take a step back and clarify your purpose. Why do you do what you do, and why do you love what you love?
This wisdom can apply in even the most mundane circumstance. If you feel out of place at an event, revisit why you came in the first place. Often, you’ll discover that it’s not about you.
With clarity, it becomes easier to live with purpose and make decisions from that place of discernment.
For Mike, to live with purpose feels like being wrapped in a giant hug. He admits it feels much better than being in the New York Times bestselling authors list.

Radically Loved

Mike feels radically loved when he’s with someone who accepts him perfectly and unconditionally.
He recalls a time during prayer when he heard a voice that asked him to satisfy his hunger first.
The spiritual is not limited to the divine and the sacred but can be something as simple as taking care of your needs or taking a deep breath.

5 Powerful Quotes from this Episode

[15:08] “So before making a decision, especially decisions that are creating a lot of anxiety or fear, it's really good to check our filter. That's kind of the filtering system where it helps people get out of that cognitive loop of the same fear just coming up every day and into kind of the facts of life.”

[22:23] “We're all in this together. I think as soon as a coach becomes uncoachable or has all the answers, it's a dead-end street.”

[29:44] “We're all artists. And it's just when you're continually pushing yourself to just be great in your art, the universe connects you with other art, and you get to play and have fun.”

[47:41] “Clarifying our purpose each day matters, and making a decision to do that matters. It creates this amazing spiritual experience, or whatever someone believes, where we're like, ‘I belong here.’”

[50:31] “I was very successful before I became a New York Times bestselling author. It didn't make me any more successful like it didn't give me a giant hug. What gives me a giant hug is being purposeful in my life.”

About Mike

Mike Bayer is a personal development coach and New York Times bestselling author who has made it his life mission to help people be their best selves. A board-registered interventionist, he spent the early parts of his career helping people overcome drug and alcohol abuse.

If you want to learn more about Mike’s transformational coaching program, visit his website or join his free coaching empowerment group. You can check out his Always Evolving podcast.