The Purpose of Jealousy In Relationships with Karla McLaren
Emotions are central to the human experience. From love, joy, and even jealousy in relationships, they’re a significant part of who we are as people. We might think that some relationships are good and others bad, but all emotions serve a purpose.
On this episode of Radically Loved, Karla McLaren shares her thoughts on emotions, including jealousy in relationships. She talks about how people often think jealousy is a negative emotion, but the truth is that it serves a purpose. She also shares his experiences as a hypersensitive child, which led him to connect with animals and develop skills to ground, focus and set boundaries.
This episode explores the importance of understanding emotions and how they can be harnessed to build healthier relationships and communities.
Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode:
Discover the value in having a stronger emotional vocabulary.
Learn healthy behaviors for handling envy and jealousy in relationships.
Find out a new perspective on fear.
Resources
The Dangerous Passion by David Buss
Read and order Karla’s books on emotions and emotional development
Episode Highlights
[01:33] How Emotions Tie Into Development
Karla had always been sensitive to and hyper-aware of emotions.
This sensitivity helped her learn and grow, and later love emotions. She hopes to impart this love to her readers.
[04:18] Karla McLaren: "Emotions are everything. They are what helped me survive, and they are what helped me heal." - Click Here to Tweet This
There is no such thing as negative or positive emotion — classifying them like this is abusive.
All emotions have a specific purpose; repressing them is unhealthy.
It’s better to understand and recognize the purpose of each emotion rather than try to categorize them.
[13:33] Emotions and Boundaries
Anger can help you find your boundaries, but it’s vital to set them calmly.
Violent emotions come from panic — your fight/flight/freeze response. Society often lumps anger and panic together, but they’re not the same.
[14:58] Karla Mclaren: "Anger is in its totality about boundaries, and it's our skillset that helps that anger do its work...Panic is the emotion that has the fight behavior." - Click Here to Tweet This
Broadening your emotional vocabulary can help you regulate your emotions.
It also has cardiac and neurological benefits, and can help kids develop healthily.
[22:50] Love Is Not An Emotion
Love comes from stability. Emotions are constantly moving and changing.
[23:03] Karla McLaren: "When love is healthy, it repeats itself over and over again through time and beyond death. When an emotion is healthy, it doesn't do this." - Click Here to Tweet This
Romance is unstable.
Karla learned the nature of love from watching animals.
[25:15] Sensitivity Builds Trust
Karla didn’t fit in with humans. Instead, she preferred the company of animals. She felt they were honest about their emotions.
[25:56] Karla McLaren: "If they're afraid, they're afraid. If they're angry, they're angry. They feel what they feel and they don't lie." - Click Here to Tweet This
Her hypersensitivity and empathy helped her build skills to set boundaries.
She later used these skills to help unsheltered people in her community.
Karla offers outreach services from her car. She doesn’t have any requirements, nor does she proselytize.
[34:09] Karla McLaren: "I want the dirty, brown, angry street Jesus. I don't want any of these blue eyed, white transphobic Jesuses." - Click Here to Tweet This
[36:54] The Value of Jealousy in Relationships
Envy and jealousy help people position themselves socially, but society often discourages feeling those emotions.
Parents need to take a better look at how their children express and handle their emotions.
Jealousy in relationships is a sign that something is wrong. It helps ensure that everyone is okay.
On the other hand, Envy questions resources and inequalities.
[37:46] Karla McLaren: “Both of them deal with security and loyalty as well. And so they have this kind of amazing sociological genius about what is happening around me and what's fair and what is equitable and what is loyalty.” - Click Here to Tweet This
[43:57] Embracing Emotions
Embracing emotions helps construct yourself.
It also helps reveal your true soul.
Emotions don’t cause problems. They come to help you deal with problems.
Learning to speak the language of emotions can save your life.
About Karla
Karla McLaren is an award-winning author, social science researcher, and empathy pioneer. She wrote a powerful book, The Language Of emotions, in which she takes her readers deep into the nature of feelings. She teaches us to honor what we feel, no matter what emotion it is. Whether it’s anger, sadness, or jealousy in relationships, all these emotions serve a purpose.
Karla developed the Six Essential Aspects of Empathy model to help people empathize healthily. She also created Dynamic Emotional Integration, which uses an understanding of emotions to help people heal.
Connect with Karla on her website. Alternatively, you can follow her on Facebook or LinkedIn.
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Do you know someone who feels a lot of “negative” emotions? Share this episode with them to help them learn the language of emotions. Anger, sadness, envy, and even jealousy in relationships all serve a powerful purpose.
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To feeling radically loved,
Rosie