Gaining Ferocious Courage to Tell the Truth with Dr. Jacqui Lewis
It’s not easy to tell the truth—it takes ferocious courage to say the things that need to be heard. But when we do get the knack of expressing our truths, we invite others to practice rule-breaking kindness.
Dr. Jacqui Lewis joins us to share the key to gaining the courage to tell the truth. We also talk about extending compassion to ourselves and others in this time of collective grief, and how to deal with resentment. The answer lies in love—fierce love for yourself and everyone else.
If you want to become a truth warrior and create a kinder world, make sure to tune in to this episode.
Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode:
Understand the difference between hard, fierce love and namby-pamby love.
Learn how to confront others with the truth.
Discover why you need to be curious about others’ truths.
Resources
Fierce Love by Dr. Jacqui Lewis
Connect with Dr. Jacqui through her website.
FREE Action Guide! Apply the lessons you learn from this episode as you listen! Sign up at RadicallyLoved.com, and I’ll send it right away!
Episode Highlights
When Someone Says ‘You Need to Calm Down’
It’s easy to get even more inflamed when someone tells you to calm down.
However, what that often means is they are the ones who need to calm down. They don’t know how to handle your energy, so they’re crying out for help.
Instead of saying ‘I can see you’re upset’ or ‘You need to calm down,’ it’s better to say ‘I hear you, I can feel how upset you are, so I’m going to take a step back.’
This statement is more empathetic and allows you to neutralize a heated situation.
Ferocious Courage to Tell the Truth
Jacqui’s book is subtitled: ‘A bold path to ferocious courage and rule-breaking kindness that can heal the world.’
She came up with this statement, after realizing how ferociously courageous it was to tell the truth about herself and confront her story.
This ferocious courage to tell the truth transcends into rule-breaking kindness.
How to Confront Someone with Your Truth
If we want to tell the truth and have it go well, we’ll have to wire ourselves with ‘I’ statements.
Our feelings are facts. So, no one’s going to be defensive about your feelings.
Also, you have to let go of the outcome after you tell the truth. You can’t manage how others will react—you can only handle your dynamics.
Modelling Truth-Telling
Jacqui envisions a world where we raise children to be truth warriors.
It’s hard to tell the truth, but it’s necessary to prevent violence.
Hard and Fierce Love
This type of love takes risks and makes your head hurt.
It applies to having tough but necessary conversations.
When we fiercely love ourselves, we are less brittle, competitive, and jealous.
Practicing Fierce Love Even Amidst Grief
We are at a time where to be human in the world is to be in a state of grief.
Grief causes us to be angry, sad, or brittle. We tend to do things we don’t normally do when we are grieving.
So, we should exercise a bit more compassion and a bit less judgment towards ourselves and others.
Being Curious About Others’ Truths
Every person in the world has their own interior life that you’re simply bumping into. Their experience is likely not about you, but it’s real for them.
So, it’s crucial not to dismiss their truths, but to explore them.
We’re on our separate journeys, and the person you’re interacting with may not be at the same place as you.
What’s important is to keep modeling the behavior you hope for.
Dealing with Resentment
Resentment stems from the gap between what you hope for and what is.
The best way to fill this gap is self-love.
If we exercise our self-love muscles, we can be there for ourselves when other people fail us.
How Dr. Jacqui Feels Radically Loved
Dr. Jacqui feels radically loved by her source, God.
She believes that God will never leave her, and she is peaceful that she has somebody with her all the time.
She also emphasizes the radical love she feels from her family.
5 Powerful Quotes from this Episode
[3:24] “When we are in that threat place, that danger place, ‘Calm down’ inflames; ‘I can hear you, I can feel you, I can see you’ is empathy.”
[6:00] “Ferocious courage is to just show ourselves to each other, our needs, our wants, our desires, our fears, our dreams, our hopes, our passion, our sensuality.”
[13:09] “We can build bridges, we can create a deeper understanding by coming from a state of love and kindness.”
[22:59] “We just don't have to be so strung out about the other person's stuff, because it's their stuff, not yours.”
[30:44] “That's resentment: the gap between what I hoped for and what is. So how do you fill that gap?”
About Dr. Jacqui
Dr. Jacqui J. Lewis is the founder of The Middle Project and The Middle Church Group. They regularly host annual conferences to train potential leaders to combat racism, bigotry, and poverty. She was ordained in the Presbyterian church and was the first woman to become a senior minister in the Collegiate Church.
Dr. Jacqui started her career in the corporate world but found her way back to serving God in churches. In addition to being a holder of many postgraduate degrees, she is an author of numerous books.
If you want to connect with Dr. Jacqui, you may visit her website. You can also browse the church she co-founded with her husband at The Middle Church website.
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