How to Take Accountability with Rod Stryker

Trust is critical between a teacher and a student; it's a core component of every relationship with a power differential. Being in a position of authority means influencing the lives of those with less power. As such, the gravity of crossing boundaries and making mistakes is seen and felt on a larger scale. How, then, does someone in authority take accountability and responsibility for disappointing the people who have put their complete trust in them?

In this episode, Rosie speaks with Rod Stryke about what it means to take accountability for a mistake as someone in a position of authority. Rod opens up about the consequences of getting emotionally involved with a student and going through a process of repair. He shares the work he did around understanding what it means to be a teacher. He also details what he learned about regret, forgiveness, and self-acceptance.

If you want to know what it means to take accountability for your mistakes, this episode is for you.

Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode:

  1. Learn what it means for an authority figure to take accountability for crossing emotional boundaries with a student.

  2. Discover the complexity and sensitivity of being in a position of power.

  3. Take a deeper look at what transpires behind the mob mentality.

Resources

    Episode Highlights

    [02:12] What Human Beings Have in Common

    • The Naked Ape delves into what human beings have in common.

    • We don’t have language and rituals in common.

    • What we have in common is that we smile when we’re happy and cry when we’re sad. Additionally, we all want our children to do better than us. 

    [05:00] Becoming Accountable

    • In 2018, Rod got emotionally involved with a student. A year later, they had a single physical intimate encounter. 

    • Their relationship became public about two years later. By then, Rod knew he had to take accountability before everyone around him.

    • To take accountability for your actions, part one is not denying anything. Part two is acknowledging the fundamental mistake around being in an up-power position.

    • Teachers should be in a position where they earn and maintain trust regularly.

    • To take accountability, acknowledge the transgression, recognize profound regret, and give a complete and utter apology to those affected by the action.

    [08:34] Rod: "'Teacher' should be a position and needs to be a position where we earn trust on a regular basis, and we maintain that trust no matter what—and I violated that trust. So accountability then literally looked like a letter that acknowledged the transgression and a full, complete and utter apology and recognition of my acknowledgment of my regret and my profound sorrow." - Click Here To Tweet This

    [09:29] Take Accountability by Taking Responsibility

    • It took Rod several days to write the letter. He wanted to own the responsibility and didn't want to blame it on his personal life.

    • He sent the letter out to 25,000 people on his e-mail list. He knew the news would cause a lot of hurt and pain within the community.

    • There were differences in reactions from different parts of the world.

    • He began a process of repair and self-reflection on violating the code of ethics. 

    • The teachings didn’t fail him; he failed the teachings. There was never a moment he wasn’t conscious that he had crossed a boundary.

    [12:57] Rod: "The teachings didn't fail me; I failed the teachings.” - Click Here To Tweet This

    [13:14] An Opportunity to Learn

    • Social media firestorms are not an excuse. Instead, it’s perhaps an opportunity to learn and say some things that might help other people.

    • Making a mistake and having a conversation about it are two separate things.

    [13:44] Rod: "These are two separate things. Made a mistake—made a mistake. Having a conversation about it is to look at the underpinnings of human beings — our social flow and social dynamics and what that's like." - Click Here To Tweet This

    [17:43] The Challenge of Moving Forward

    • He couldn’t go forward until he went backward.

    • Rod got helpful advice from therapist Cedar Barstow. He learned the dual track of opportunity to learn. 

    • The first track was coming to terms with his humanity. The second is a better understanding of what it means to be in a position of authority.

    • Early on, he got a mixed message on what it means to be a teacher. The goal of therapy was to reach a point of knowing in his body that his students would be safe.

    • The other part of the search was understanding what he could do more effectively as a leader. It's building a shared cooperative community rather than a hierarchical one.

    [20:29] Rod: “The moment we stand in front of somebody, we have authority. Whether we deserve it or not, we're suddenly in a position of authority.” - Click Here To Tweet This

    [24:35] Navigating Intellectual Boundaries

    • The personal fulfillment you get from the a professional teaching role is powerful and can be misplaced.

    • Projection and transference from being in a power differential position can happen quickly.

    • It's tricky not to have an understanding of the boundaries. Another level of trickiness is being good at what you do by caring that people see you  as valuable in their lives.

    • There was a point where the lines between personal and professional fulfillment started to blur for Rod. It led to the transgression.

    • The third part is learning how to teach people in the most effective way possible.

    [28:58] Rod: “Power is nothing more than the ability to create an effect or to have influence. If I have power, then I can have influence. If I have power, I can create an effect more so than someone who has less power.” - Click Here To Tweet This

    [29:56] How His Intentions Behind Teaching Changed

    • The first is being aware of his privilege. He now walks into it with a level of appreciation.

    • The other is understanding that he’s renting that space as a teacher. He’s just there to remind people of their inner teacher.

    • He has learned about the complexity and sensitivity of being a teacher. He’s now more open to feedback and learning how to teach better.

    • There's now a focus on organizational inclusion and being deliberate about how to embody more kindness.

    [37:19] How to Cultivate a Sense of Compassion and Openness

    • We want people in positions of authority to be infallible. Thus, we tend to inflate them to the extent that you want to get their approval.

    • At the same time, when someone in authority does something to disappoint you, it may feel like you’re validating your hurt by pulling them down.

    • All projections multiply when there's a power differential in the dynamic.

    • 85% of what people have been corroborating about Rod on social media was untrue. 

    • Being targeted by false accusations on social media was perhaps the result of confirmation bias around the male patriarchy.

    [48:20] On Mob Mentality

    • Mob mentality is sociological. We’re hardwired to look around us about how people are reacting.

    • It's evidence that people will do things in a group they would never do one-on-one.

    • Rage creates dopamine release.

    • The question we need to ask: when did liking something hateful become a good thing?

    [50:35] The Gap Between Intent and Impact

    • No matter who you are, there will always be a gap between intent and impact.

    • Relationships are the most complicated thing our brains have to deal with.

    • The Yoga Sutra says we harm ourselves when we’re in judgment. Collecting a community of people who agree with us darkens our ability for lasting peace.

    • Rod had to figure out how to forgive himself, understand the difference between regret and shame, and give people the space to do their thing.

    [58:04] Seeing Beyond the Surface

    • One who understands all forgives all.

    • The Yoga Sutra is about context.

    • The willingness to be compassionate doesn't happen until we understand more about the context of a person.

    [1:01:28] The Title of Yogarupa

    • Who led who down? Did Yogarupa let down Rod, or was Rod coming to the surface and there was never a Yogarupa?

    • The idea that Yogarupa was perfect is wrong. Yogarupa practiced every day because there was a spark that he could be better.

    • Yogarupa means the embodiment of yoga. Yoga means constantly moving toward a positive direction of change.

    [1:06:25] The Lesson He Wants to Leave His Children

    • The lesson he wants to embed in his children is self-acceptance.

    • The teenage years of 13 to 17 are when you feel most confused.

    • The events that transpired a couple of years ago in Rod's life culminated due to not having come fully around self-acceptance.

    • The level of actualization is utterly dependent on self-acceptance.

    • We don't have to dehumanize people who make mistakes. It's in accepting our humanity that we can make the world better.

    [1:09:57] How Rod Feels Radically Loved Presently

    • He feels radically loved in conversation and in sharing vulnerability.

    About Rod

    Rod Stryker is an author, teacher, and speaker. A world-renowned meditation teacher and yoga educator, he is the founder of ParaYoga®, the author of two books, including: The Four Desires and the soon-to-be-released Enlightened Sleep. He developed one of the most comprehensive online yoga programs in the world as well as the meditation app, Sanctuary. 

    Rod has spent nearly 40 years sharing his study, knowledge, and experience. He has mentored hundreds of teachers and thousands of students worldwide. Rod is known for his ability to translate ancient wisdom and make life-changing practices accessible to modern audiences. He is father to four amazing souls and currently lives in Idaho.

    If you want to connect with Rod, visit his website.

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    To feeling radically loved,

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    Rosie AcostaFirst Gen Mexican American, Mindfulness Teacher, Latinx, Teacher, Hispanic Meditation Teacher