Be Radically True About Yourself With Rebecca Woolf
We all have complicated feelings about our experiences and relationships, yet culture and society pressure us to feel and think a certain way. What would you feel if you had a miserable relationship and your spouse died? Will you feel sad? Or will you feel relieved but guilty about it?
Here’s the thing, we’re all human. All of these feelings are valid — and that's okay.
In this episode, Rosie speaks with Rebecca Woolf about her latest memoir, All of This: A Memoir of Death and Desire. Rebecca shares why people often suppress complicated feelings and feel guilty about them. All these feelings are valid — we need to practice honesty in all aspects of our lives. We can also help others become more honest by validating their feelings.
If you want to know how to become radically true about yourself, this episode is for you!
Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode:
Discover Rebecca's inspiration for writing a memoir about her husband's death and the complicated and polarizing feelings around it.
Learn why people are used to suppressing their feelings and why we need to be more honest.
Understand how to help support others and validate their feelings.
Resources
Connect with and learn more about Rebecca: Website | Twitter | Instagram
All of This: A Memoir of Death and Desire by Rebecca Woolf
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Episode Highlights
[00:36] Rebecca’s Memoir
Rebecca's book is about her journey of feeling trapped in a marriage and how her partner's death can lead to rebirth.
Rebecca shares she has always written about her life since her teenage years. She has received all kinds of criticism and praises imaginable.
She started as a mommy blogger, and there used to be a culture where you should not close or delete comments.
She shares that writing her latest book was different since she can write so much more without immediate feedback from an audience.
Rebecca wrote and released her book during the pandemic lockdown.
[06:51] Rebecca’s Writing Process
[08:07] Rebecca: "Most people don't have the option of going away for a month…especially if you're the only parent. I think there's something to be said for finding your room within the chaos and like how…it keeps you honest. I think it keeps you honest, as you have between this hour and this hour to write. You better do it." - Click Here To Tweet This
Rebecca observed she thrives in chaos.
Most people don't have the option of going to a retreat to write a book. Instead, you need to find your own space within chaos.
Writing during chaos made Rebecca more honest about her experiences.
When her husband died, Rebecca observed that she responded how society expected of her.
Honesty takes practice. We need to have the habit of checking whether we’re being honest with our stories and responses.
[09:48] Rebecca: "We can become more honest storytellers [and] better truth tellers through practice. I think truth is a practice like anything else. We get in the habit of being performative without realizing it, and [being performative] in every aspect of our lives." - Click Here To Tweet This
[11:06] Being Radically True about Feelings
Rebecca shared being miserable in her marriage. She felt guilty about her husband's sickness, thinking she may have manifested it because she was so sad.
Throughout her husband’s sickness and death, Rebecca suppressed her feelings and felt pressured to keep his legacy alive.
Eventually, she burned out.
Death and love should not be confined to binary feelings. In the full episode, Rebecca shares the broad range of feelings she had about her husband's death.
[15:13] Stop Denying Yourself
[17:23] Rebecca: "Closure is a myth. I think, especially with death, we assume that something's going to happen, that there's going to be a moment of truth, that there's going to be a conversation where people are forgiven. We all think there's a happy ending, right? That does not exist." - Click Here To Tweet This
There’s a culture of denying our feelings and then feeling guilty about it.
When someone dies, everything else doesn't go with them. People alive won't get the closure they expect to get.
Rebecca felt relieved and free when her husband died but also guilty about feeling that way.
It’s not easy being the caretaker to a dying spouse, no matter how much you love them. Yet, no one is empathetic toward the caretaker.
People, especially women, need to be able to talk about their feelings honestly without shame.
[23:11] Rebecca: "I don't want anyone to feel shame for anything that they're feeling ever. That's the whole point of this book is…how do we talk about all the different things that are stigmatized, specifically as women, without shame." - Click Here To Tweet This
[25:28] How to Support Other People
If you know someone struggling with their feelings, remind them that their feelings are valid.
Even jokes about wanting a spouse's death have some truth.
Give other people the space and love for being honest, especially when it’s a complicated or polarizing feeling.
[27:53] Rebecca: "Validating people's complicated responses to things is such a gift, and telling her that what she's feeling is so valid and that you love her and that you love that she feels like she can trust you with that and that you support her and that everything that she's feeling doesn't say anything about who she is [like] what kind of mother she is." - Click Here To Tweet This
[30:13] Accept Your Feelings around Death
It’s human nature to have all kinds of different feelings.
It’s in our culture that when someone dies, we can’t speak ill about them.
Societally, we believe that the worst thing that can happen to people is dying. Speaking ill about them then feels like kicking someone when they're down.
Rebecca shares having a different mindset and being open to death.
[40:10] How Rebecca Feels Radically Loved
Rebecca’s love language is truth.
She feels radically loved when in the company of people she can be honest with.
About Rebecca
Rebecca Woolf has been a freelance writer since she was aged 16. She was a leading contributor to the hit 90s series Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul and its subsequent Teen Love Series books.
Since then, Rebecca wrote her memoir, launched her blog Girl's Gone Child and contributed to several publications, including Refinery29 and the Huffington Post. Rebecca also helped launch Babble.com, which Disney acquired, and authored a weekly parenting column on Mom.me.
Want to learn more about Rebecca? Check out her website.
You can also connect with her on Twitter and Instagram.
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