Key to Communication In Saving Relationships with Jancee Dunn

How many times have you been upset at your partner and given them meaningful looks to get the message across? You may think it’s obvious that you want this or that to happen, but neither you nor your partner can read minds. What you can do is relearn communication to truly be able to understand one another.

In this episode of Radically Loved, bestselling author Jancee Dunn shares the experiences behind one of her books about relationships. She tells the story of her arguments, counseling, and finally, truly feeling radically loved by her family. Jancee shares important reminders for when interacting with your partner and how to cool down a heated situation. 

If you want to learn about the key to communication to save the relationship with your partner or are facing trouble in a long-term relationship, join us in our talk with Jancee!

Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode:

  1. Find out how seeking counseling for you and your partner can strengthen your relationship.

  2. Learn six techniques you can use to cool down a heated situation.

  3. Discover the importance of putting effort into staying respectful and communicating in a relationship.

Resources

    Episode Highlights

    [03:07] The Struggles of Writing

    • After You’re Radically Loved came out, Rosie felt incredibly motivated to write. However, her writing has slowed down lately.

    • Jancee feels similarly. There are days when she has good ideas to work on and days when she feels like an imposter.

    • Jancee’s authenticity in her book allowed her readers to connect and respond to her writing.

    [07:04] “The more authentic you are, the better. It's hard not to want to sand away some of those edges. Right. But I found that when I really got in there about my relationship and my anger and all kinds of not so pretty feelings, that's what people really responded to.” - Click Here To Tweet This

    [11:30] Jancee on Sharing Her Relationship with Readers

    • It was easy for Jancee to talk about her relationship for her book.

    • You will often find that many people can relate to and understand what you've been through.

    [12:38] “It's just amazing how you think that these kooky little things are happening in your own life when they're happening to everybody.” - Click Here To Tweet This

    [13:22] The Importance of Communication

    • Those in long-term relationships may find that there are many things they still don’t know about their partners.

    • Jancee noticed that she was more polite to others than she was to Tom, her partner. They started to have difficulty communicating with each other.

    • Jancee and Tom saw a therapist. They relearned how to communicate and let each other know what they feel and need.

    • Your partner can’t argue with how you feel. Share how you feel and what you would have liked to happen.

    [18:04] How Counseling Helps

    • In a session with Teddy Real, one of the things that made Jancee realize how bad it had gotten was having to bring her and Tom’s daughter with them.

    • In that session, Jancee was told off for her self-righteousness. She had to learn to be vulnerable and ask for help.

    [20:12] “There's something safe about feeling self-righteous. When you're feeling like wronged, there's something kind of exciting about it. And that was my safe space instead of being more vulnerable and saying, ‘Hey, you know what I'm feeling like this isn't working for me,’ ‘I need your help,’ and ‘I feel like we're not partners.”  - Click Here To Tweet This

    [24:53] Staying Respectful

    • We tend to treat the people closest to us the worst. There is an expectation that they already know what we want to happen.

    • It’s important to remember to keep every interaction at least at the level of simple respect.

    [29:05] How to Calm Down for You and Your Partner

    • The first trick to calming a situation is to check your tone. Yelling won’t get you anywhere in an argument.

    • Next is to contain the situation. Keep your conversation about the current argument and avoid bringing up past grievances.

    • Listen to the full episode to hear the rest of Rosie and Jancee’s discussion on cooling down heated situations.

    [33:36] “If you don't feel heard you're gonna go, ‘Are you hearing me?’ and ‘What did I just say?’ If they just paraphrase what you say or if you just do it with your partner, it calms the situation. And if you can understand each other, that's a good jumping-off place to go to from there.” - Click Here to Tweet This

    [35:38] What You are Capable Of

    • Jancee used to think that she couldn’t control her temper, but she’s often told by counselors that she can.

    • She realized that she had been the one hindering herself from staying in control.

    • It can take effort but you are capable.

    [36:37] “These things we tell ourselves. I can't but I could and I can. It takes effort. Sometimes it's more fun to yell” - Click Here To Tweet This

    [40:42] The “Sardine Can” and How Jancee Feels Radically Loved

    • When Jancee has a bad day, her family hugs each other tightly like a “sardine can”.

    • These are the moments when she feels happiest and radically loved.

    About Jancee

    Jancee Dunn is a New York Times bestselling author of five books. Her writing includes How to Not Hate Your Husband After Kids, which tells her journey of ups and downs with her husband. Jancee also authored But Enough About Me: A Memoir, Cyndi Lauper: A Memoir, and a children’s book, I’m Afraid Your Teddy is in Trouble Today. 

    Jancee has written for multiple publications since her debut. She’s worked for Rolling Stone for over a decade where she covered multiple celebrities. Jancee has also written for New York Times, Vogue, Travel and Leisure, Food & Wine, and many others. She continues to write and find ideas at home with her husband, Tom, and their daughter.

    If you want to learn more and connect with Jancee, you can check out her website. Visit her on Instagram and Facebook as well.

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    To feeling radically loved,

    Rosie

    Rosie Acosta