How To Find Peace Through Boundary Setting With Nedra Tawwab (Nedra)
Do you find yourself doing things you hate? How often do you engage with people who drain you, but you still spend time with them anyway? Nedra states that all of us have preferences, but we often don't honor them. According to Nedra Tawwab, we end up burned out, leading to resentment. Identifying acts you're pushing yourself to do is the first step to boundary setting.
In this episode, Nedra Tawwab joins us to discuss the importance of asserting and honoring your preferences. We need to be honest with ourselves as we can never please everyone. On the bright side, there will always be the right community where you can thrive. Nedra Tawwab also shares ways to end toxic relationships and manage "energy vampires."
If you want to find peace in your relationships and life by practicing healthy boundary setting, then tune in to this episode with Nedra!
Here are three reasons why you should listen to the full episode:
Discover why boundary setting is vital and how you can learn to assert yourself.
Understand that you do not need to please everyone. Instead, find your community.
Learn how to end toxic relationships by asserting your boundaries with Nedra.
Resources
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Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra
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Episode Highlights
Importance of Boundary Setting
Nedra Tawwab’s book compiled a series of her personal life experiences as well as those of her clients on boundary issues.
We often don’t realize how we have adopted other people’s beliefs. Setting boundaries is a way to reclaim ourselves.
We all have things we like and don’t like. However, asserting these preferences is usually a challenge.
As adults, we need to honor other people's boundaries, especially the boundaries of children. - Nedra
We ignore our personal discomfort by allowing ourselves to submit to people's beliefs.
How Can We Start with Boundary Setting?
Honoring your preferences requires identifying how things could either be spirit enhancers or spirit breakers.
In the podcast, Rosie and Nedra discuss how to overcome Rosie’s aversion to Facebook.
When you know that specific actions are draining, it helps to find other strategies to achieve the same goal and still retain energy.
We have our own energetic boundaries that notify us whenever we’re involved in an energetically draining pursuit.
Boundary Setting with Energy Vampires
When dealing with people who drain your energy, determine how often, for what duration, and what topics you will engage with that person.
We tend to get used to patterns in relationships. However, if a specific relationship is draining, we need to break the pattern. Do something different.
Nedra Tawwab suggests reflecting on how you can contribute your own pain in these relationships.
If you think you are the energy vampire, ask people you trust for their feedback.
You Can’t Please Everyone
It’s easy to point out other people’s flaws and harder to look at our own.
Remember that you cannot please everyone, and that's okay.
Nedra emphasizes that in the era of social media, it's normal to want everyone to like you. People are different, and you won't align with everyone.
Instead of trying to please everyone, look for your own community that appreciates you. - Nedra
How to End Toxic Relationships
We often feel that ending relationships require closure and a declaration of why the other person is terrible. - Nedra
However, relationships can end slowly over time. - Nedra
Nedra shares that before confronting toxic people, identify your intentions first.
It's best to opt for a gentle conversation and tell them you need space, which can gradually end the relationship. - Nedra
How to Encourage Children to Try Things
Nedra shares that children already have preferences. It may take years for them to be open to new choices.
Don't force children to try things. Understand that there may be other things that contribute to their preferences.
Give children the ability to shape their preferences.
You can introduce them to new things slowly over time.
Why Nedra Feels Radically Loved
Nedra Tawwab shares that she feels radically loved when people are authentic in expressing love — such as hugging.
5 Powerful Quotes from This Episode
[15:02] “There are things that we like and things that we do not like, and it is okay to honor both.”
[16:22] “You have to determine how often, for what duration, and what you want to talk about. Those are the three ways to handle people who deplete your energy.”
[18:35] “If things aren't working, don't keep going with it. Try something even a tad bit different.”
[24:44] "The world is full of human beings [that] are different, and there are some people who will be offended by something [and] there are some people who will get the joke. You have to find your community."
[27:39] “Reading people and telling them how terrible they are is typically not very effective. We don't need to tell people how they're terrible.”
About Nedra
Nedra Tawwab is a licensed therapist and relationship expert. She's also a New York Times Bestselling author with her book Set Boundaries, Find Peace. Nedra Tawwab is also the founder and owner of the group therapy practice, Kaleidoscope Counseling. With over 14 years of relationship therapy experience, Nedra has observed that most relationship issues start with a lack of boundaries. Through her practice, Nedra has helped people create and implement healthy boundaries in their lives.
Nedra Tawwab earned her undergraduate and graduate degrees from Wayne University in Detroit. Nedra also earned additional certifications in perinatal mood and anxiety disorders for families and couples, as well as training for counseling adults who have dealt with childhood emotional neglect.
You can learn more about Nedra’s work on her website. You can also connect with her on Instagram, Facebook, and Pinterest.
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Rosie