Energy Vampires and How To Stop Them

I recently received an email from a podcast listener asking me what to do about “Energy Vampire’s”… I have never been this honest with anyone…

Let me start by saying this, I love all people. A L L people. I do however have a huge aversion to people who are just so absent-mindedly willing to TAKE from my energetic field without consideration. I know these people very well, because… well I grew up with them.

I didn’t know how to protect myself from people who were just so inconsiderate they were so nonchalant about plugging into me and take what they needed, and then leave me completely deflated, flailing about the rest of my day so that I can find away to restore myself. 

This was allowed up until my mid-to late twenties when I finally just had enough, and I REFUSED to no longer let ANYONE plug in. I may have even taken it to the other extreme for a bit, but sometimes you do what you need to do.

I was so sick of people asking for things, and me going out of my way (did I mention I used to love people pleasing?) that’s an issue within itself, to do for anyone that asked for anything. Even if that meant it affected me, and my energy.

Enter, Energy Vampires. When I began to get more into my work and my spiritual path, I began to learn more about saying NO, and protecting myself from people that I didn’t necessarily care to engage with. You know who those people are. Not to say you don’t “like” them, you may in fact think these are nice people. But the minute they begin to talk to you, and you’ve not said one word for about 30minutes, you are in a session and you are being plugged into.

So what do you do when someone is plugging into you? Syphoning your so precious energy that you NEED for yourself and your own sanity?

Here’s a few things that work for me:

1)     Trust your GUT| our intuition speaks volumes, if you are questioning whether a person is an energy vampire, really sit with it and ask yourself, how often does this person come to you with the same issue? Or do you get the same vibe every time? Most of the time, (maybe even now) you are putting a face to that particular Dracula that you have in your life. Identify who the person is or people and begin to create a strategy to avoid a situation in which you will be taken for all your goods. (energy that is). Question: What if I have a gut feeling, but don’t know how to cut the person off?

Answer: there are two ways to handle this, number one you can tell them that you are in the middle of collecting your energy, and they should do the same, you can then send them to do activities that will fill them up, they can go to yoga, meditation, listen to a rad podcast or… therapy etc. maybe you’ve found that to be helpful yourself, hence allowing them to be self-sufficient and find their way. The second is a bit more confrontational, you can address the issue and tell them that you feel totally energetically drained after chatting with them and you guys need to find another way to communicate so that it doesn’t feel like you’re a doormat. (this is my preference) I’m all about a mindful nonviolent confrontation of the issue. 

2)     Your TIME is GOLDEN| Time is one of the most precious things we have in this life. Who do you want to spend your time with? and why? It’s time to stop wanting to please and say yes to everyone and start actually setting some solid time boundaries. I get the privilege of working with some incredible clients as a coach, and this is the singular piece of advice that I give 95% of the time. Your time is special, don’t squander it giving it to people who haven’t EARNED it, OR deserve it. Question: How do I know if this person deserves it? Answer: If you have to ask, then you already know the answer.

3)     CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR| remember back in the day? The old school vampire movies where, they looked in the mirror and if they didn’t see a reflection they knew they were a vampire? .. yeah. Make sure your not the one sucking the life out of your friends. Always ask yourself what value are you bringing to the table. Trust me, I’ve been that friend, … I’ve actually called friends back to apologize for taking over the conversation for an hour and then hanging up realizing I didn’t even ask how their DAY WAS?

There’s got to be a give and take, always, but what’s not cool is for people to feel entitled to your time and energy just because they live in your solar system. Be more selective, be aware and always remember that you are amazing, and people will love you whether you let them plug into you or not.